Why am i such a bitch????

I was worried that i might end up doing it later on but now i've gone and done it.. I've hurt him... hurt him so so bad... Just because I insist on being practical and realistic.. Why can't we just screw everything else and be.. Forget abt what's right and rspecting our parents n following our dreams and goals and all that crap.. Having seen him go through a lot of crap and knowing how badly he could get hurt, why on earth did i think that i was right for him... That selfish, self oriented me who wants everyone to be the way i want them to be could be right for someone who's caring and lovingand amazing as he is.. I think i should be shot.. or hung even.. n no matter how many times the world forgives me, i don't think i can ever forgive myself.. Not for doing this to him.. Not for giving him hope again n then just tearing it into tiny little shreds... But that's what i did do... I hurt my best friend who has stuck by me n helped me through so many things... Because no matter how much i love him, i'm not ready to give up my dreams... N now he knows that.. n in a few months time, he's gonna be alone again.. He's gonna shut himself up n hurt only on the inside... N it's all my fault..while i'm thousands of miles away, living my stupid dreams...