it's not fun

to sit ridiculously close to each other, our faces inches apart, resting our heads on the same chair

to wash dishes while he dries

to put my ear against his phone, while we both attempt to listen to the same conversation

to sit and bitch about the day as if that's the only thing on my mind

to insist that our friendship is based entirely on favors and accompany each other to the vending machine and on other random errands

to see him chatting away with her, while she's throwing herself at him



all the while knowing that despite the urge to do something, to just say something, anything, I won't.