oh crap!

So as I sit here, shivering because it's not very warm, and refusing to turn the heat up since I need to get used to the cold, I suddenly realize I do want to go home for Christmas. I want to see my parents (maybe a little bit), I definitely want to see my annoying ass of a sibling who called me a gobbi just minutes ago because (I like to think) she misses me, I want to see C and S and have a coffee session and an odel session and a sitting on the bed and talking crap until one of us falls asleep (usually S or moi) session, I want to see the rest of the family (the ones I like) who's down for the holidays and while I most definitely don't want to see the remainder of them (the family) I guess I could tolerate seeing them.

See, this is what happened. At the end of summer, daddy dearest inquired whether I needed to come home over break -- him being the (kind of) smart man he is and all that, knows very well that now I was no longer a part of a couple and because I get a somewhat minuscule break and the tickets are ridiculously expensive, I would say no. Even though we both know that had I said anything but "no" I would very well be in Sri Lanka right now. It's just that we both pretend to be independent and tough. In his case, he pretends to let me make the decisions I want -- even if he has to pay or not pay for them -- and respect them and in my case, I like to tell myself that I won't spend anymore of his money than I can help it. So the plan was for me to stay at the aunt's and I didn't have a problem with this. There was talk of a skiing trip and what not and I knew it would a nice break with the kid cousin I adore and one of my favorite pairs of relatives (the kind that doesn't inquire about your grade the minute you walk in, tell you how you could do better but simply points you to the rice and curry and asks whether you need to go get food and books).

So once that plan was set, I decided to spare myself the torture of working during thanksgiving and spring break and happily signed up to come back to school about a week early and work about a week late -- I would still have about three weeks off and this would be more than enough I figured.

Then achchi fell sick ( a pretty regular occurrence since she (kind of like myself) thinks she knows best and refuses to listen to her doctors and this isn't the wisest thing to do when one is living on one lung). So the aunt and family realize that maybe they should head over home since they hadn't been home for almost 3 years. I being the nice soul that I am (ha ha) said "ya sure, don't worry about me (seeing I'm an independent woman and all)" and A the roommate said she would adopt me for the holidays. All was still fine. I would have a nice traditional Christmas (my first in fact) with A and family and it would all be good.

Two weeks ago, mother dearest called and said, "J if you want to come home, I can get you a ticket." This sent me into a whole week of crap what do I do now, I don't have a long enough break to go home (did I mention I signed up to volunteer for orientation so my break is actually about 15-16 days now?) and here was a ticket being offered on a silver a platter or a blue willow platter at least since that's the mother dearest's favorite kind. I then (being an conscientious adult and all) decided to stay since I had obligations and responsibilities and all that.

And now I want to go home. crap.