The trouble with love is...

A long time ago... when it was kind of a big deal when you just liked a guy (Ok so maybe not so long ago but I chose to be a kid for as long as I possibly could) I used to have the song, "The trouble with love is" by Kelly Clarkson as my theme song. This was my friends' idea because I fell in and out of like the most out of all of us and they found it hilarious. Especially because it always happened fast, it always involved somewhat embarrassing (except a couple of times) and I was always dramatic about it. Even I found it funny. Eventually, someone I liked (who wasn't a crazy dancer or didn't live thousands of miles away and conveniently ignored me) liked me in return, and we went out. It was fun. It was a helluva ride and I had the best time of my life. It was a completely new and somewhat unreal experience for me and I learned quite a bit about love, relationships and myself from it. The most important lesson was that I wasn't the girl friend type. I'm a little too independent, a little too accustomed to having my own way in everything and a little too stubborn which makes it almost impossible for me to be considerate or make compromises. Right now we're in an odd stage. If I followed facebook regulations, it could be recognized as something in between "it's complicated" and "single".
But now I definitely agree with the song. Seriously love comes with so many responsibilities and complications and it's tough. I say that as someone who's been there and done that. It can tear you up inside someone and make your heart believe a lie. I managed to convince myself that I was someone I'm not and at some point in your life, you realize that it's not about changing who you are. Maybe I just realized that now. It's about accepting each other and we didn't completely at first and now it's too late. It's too late to go back and it's too hard to forget and start afresh. I know I can't. Having messed up once, I'm just too scared to jump right back in only to realize that I've made a hasty decision based purely on emotions which isn't necessarily as great as it sounds. Sure it works in movies and books but not so much in real life.
I had a lot more to write on this post but the fellow floor members can be extremely distracting, (which is what they are right now) and I've rewritten two paragraphs of a four page paper and I'm really really tired because one of the troubles with love is how it makes it almost impossible to fall asleep so this post will have to continue later.
sigh....