Outsider, Maybe

I spent most of the day today reading "Why I am a Muslim" by Asma Gull Hassan today. And no, it wasn't for fun (even though it was a pretty interesting read). I have to turn in seven pages on Tuesday about how it helps and doesn't help dialog between civilizations and helps non-Muslims understand Islam.

As I was reading it, I suddenly realized a couple of things... I'm not that religious, not in the least.. I can't remember the last time I went to the temple (I think it was to pick my grandma up last May) and the little marble Buddha statue and the sutra book that was given to me by the conventional aunts are still in their wrappings, packed away in a corner of my cupboard (but at least I brought them all the way here so I'm not that sinful). But that doesn't mean I don't want to be buddhist. I simply choose not to practice it to the extreme level that most people do. I used to be a strong buddhist (thanks to achchi) but then I started going to dhamma school and man does that open your eyes. I'm pretty sure that it was the priests who were more concerned with buying a pajero for the temple and building a bigger statue outside that put me off in the first place. I was ten but I figured that preaching about how essential a pajero was to the temple wasn't exactly the thing to do at the end of the morning prayers. So somewhere between ten and sixteen, I lost all faith in being a traditional buddhist. I follow the teachings, more as a philosophy however and less as a practice that involves rituals that need to be observed.
The book upset me because it spoke of how Islam was accepting of all religions. How can that be upsetting, you might ask, just read this excerpt from the book and you'll know what I mean.

I'll never forget a Christian classmate of mine at Wellesley telling me that she would miss me in Heaven.
"Why?" I asked her.
"Well, because," she paused, "Only Christians can be saved and you're not Christian." I was stunned! How could my friend honestly believe in a religion that would exclude someone she liked simply because they were not a member of that religion?
I grew up knowing that Muslims accepted all religions that were moral and good. The discussion with my "friend" made me realize that this acceptance was not universal among religions. In Islam, you don't have to be Muslim to be "saved." The Qur'an says: "Verily, those who have attained to faith [In this divine writ], as well as those who follow the Jewish faith, and the Christians, and the Sabians- all who believe in God and the Last Day and do righteous deeds- shall have reward with their Sustainer; and no fear need they have, and neither shall they grieve" (2.62).

What happens to me then? What happens to individuals like me who are atheists? I don't believe in god and that's a fact of life for me. Yet it bothers me that the Qur'an doesn't accept me with my beliefs. The ex is Muslim and so this is a somewhat touchy subject for me. We've had countless almost arguments over it and it would have been a big issue if we had made it all the way.
If Islam accepts all religions and faiths then why not mine? Why not those who don't believe in any faiths? Just as Gull Hassan was stunned by her friend's claim, I am stunned by hers. How can one simply discard the remainder of the human beings on the planet simply because they don't believe in the existence of God. I'm not worried about heaven and hell but I don't see how different faiths can understand each other and co-exist when they're not willing to accept each other for what they believe in. I'm as my Islamic professor says, "A scholar of Islam, who is willing to go outside their comfort zone to learn about Islam because understanding Islam is the key to peace between the west and the Muslim world" Yet Islam in turn doesn't seem to recognize me...

I contemplated converting a while ago (it was most probably an year ago) but then I realized I couldn't. I don't know how people go from being non- believers to being believers. I don't believe in God. That's just how it is. I have good friends who are Muslim and we are kindred spirits. We share a lot of things in life and I've never felt excluded or like an outsider in their presence. But an year ago, I believed that I had to change so that I could belong. Why I'm not too sure. Now I seem to be rambling. I do that quite often and I'm sure you've begun to notice.

But the bottom line is, why aren't I recognized and accepted for my beliefs. Not excused but accepted and respected.